Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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