carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
