apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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