Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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