Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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