I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
