# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
