Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
