I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
