My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
