Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
