Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Mom said you looked used
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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