the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
