I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
