he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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