I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
