So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
