I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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