my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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