Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
