I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize