He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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