gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Someone signed my nipple.
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