I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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