I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
