if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize