I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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