i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I currently don't understand fingers.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
