I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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