I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
