you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
