hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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