only you would photoshop your dick
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
