last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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