put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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