I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
