I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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