I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
tell me about the eggs
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
