Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
