no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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