were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
