hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
