yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
