They should really pass out barf bags in church
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
