it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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