We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
