wanna go halves on a baby?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
