there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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