it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
