Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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