i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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