My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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