I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
