he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
