Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
