I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
