My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
