dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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