I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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