Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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