i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
