i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
