i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
