Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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