I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
